and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
