I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
