someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
