OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
