i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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