Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
