did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
