I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
