East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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