I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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