i just had sex bonerless
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
