I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
