i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have aggressive nipples.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
