I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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