remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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