Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
