I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
