So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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