and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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