did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
