u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
