hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
