You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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