So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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