Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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