First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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