After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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