so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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