I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
