Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
