My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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