the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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