Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
