i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
