Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
