I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
