ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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