just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I am one with the molecules
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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