Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize