If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
