Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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