theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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