im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
