if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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