Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
