I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
