Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
