Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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