You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize