So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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