i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
