I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
