cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Of course I have a pirate flag
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
