why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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