Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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