just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Be still, my beating vagina.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
