He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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