dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
