And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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