worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
