I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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