help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Success! We fucked roommates!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
