Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
