My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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