I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He? As in you personified your dick?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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