Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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