Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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