break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
