I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
